The Sister Circle Girlfriend Chats is a fictitious online radio show hosted by 5 women who happen to be girlfriends. It is a platform where women come together to support each other during human issues they have in life. They laugh, they cry and they get real girlfriend solutions if they choose to take heed. Sometimes they don't take heed. The sisters sit in a circle each week and talk about the issues they want to discuss. They allow callers to call into their show to share their feelings, concerns or comments. Nothing is off limits!
Trisha starts off the Circle with a request from her sister who recently ended a long-term relationship due to her ex cheating on her. She spent 8 years of her life with her ex-husband. Trisha’s sister joined a support group to help her deal with her issues. She blamed herself for the failure of her second marriage. Trisha wants to know whether or not she should confide in her best friend about her boyfriend cheating on her.
Trisha:
Today we are going to discuss the subject of cheating. Yes, so get ready! My sister is responsible for the topic of today. Let me state, we are not trying to solve why people cheat. Please listen carefully and make your comments after you hear all of the information; especially YOU Iona.
Iona, Constance, Valeria and Kayla: (All nod with a head gesture of okay)
Trisha:
As you know, my sister does not want her name on the show. We will call her Lady LJ. Those are the initials of her name. Lady LJ is no stranger to the pain and sorrow of cheating. She can share her story with you better than I can. Welcome my sister, Lady LJ.
Lady LJ:
Hello to all the Sisters and to the audience listening. I was in a relationship for 8 years with a man I loved. He was my best friend. We shared lots of things in common together. We also had things we did not have in common. We balanced each other out perfectly. At least this is what I thought…
Iona: (Interrupts)
Girl, please don’t tell me he was on the down low and you caught him in the bed or shower with another dude?
Lady LJ:
Noooo, but Iona, you’re been very rude. Can I please speak my peace?
Iona:
Sorry! I’m just a firecracker ready to pop all over this subject!
Lady LJ: (Smiling)
Thank you! This is rather long so please be patient with me as I give you a little bit about my background and why I came on the show for help. As I was saying, we were perfect for each other. I got a promotion on my job a year after we were married. The new position required me to travel 3 days out of the week, monthly. I talked it over with my husband at the time. He was fine with it. It was only once a month. Sometimes I would be out of town on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Other times it would be early in the week. I knew something was off. Something had changed but I didn’t want to listen to that small voice that kept telling me to be careful. We were together for two years before we decided to move in together. We married after a year. We both have kids from previous marriages. His son was away at school and my two girls were just starting college; all grown and on their own. I started smelling different fragrances of perfume in our home. I would find lipsticks and hair pens that did not belong to me. I didn’t say anything to my husband about it. I was slowly deteriorating inside knowing he was cheating on me in our house each time I went out of town for work.
When I would call him he would tell me how much overtime he was working on his job. When I was home it seemed like he would pick fights with me purposely to get out of taking me out. We used to always enjoy each other’s company and go out. I was in disbelief because I loved him. I thought we were going to grow old together. He was so sloppy with his affairs. After 3 years of living a complete lie, I set him up with the help and support of my girlfriends. One of my friends was a professional photographer. I had one who worked at the airlines. Another one of my friends was my neighbor who became one of my very good friends. She saw everything!
One day I told my husband I was going to be out of town for 3 days. I did my usual routine. I told him my flight information; departure and arrival times with hotel stay. I gave him all of my numbers. I let him see me packing, just like normal. I didn’t go out of town. I stayed close by with the help of my three girlfriends. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. One Friday night I saw one girl go into our home. She stayed for about 8 hours. She came around 6pm and left in the wee hours of the morning. My girlfriend took pictures of the young lady as she entered and as she exited. The next time was on a Saturday. I saw another lady come over around the same time. This particular lady stayed the night and went home late in the morning the next day Sunday. This was his routine. I was schedule to be back home Sunday evening so I had my girlfriend drive me back to the airport so that my husband could pick me up. He picked me up and I tried my best to be normal. I was numb so I pulled it off. The following week I confronted him with all of my evidence. I think it was on a Tuesday. I left him. I filed for divorce and haven’t looked back since.
The issue is, the same thing is happening to one of my girlfriends who is my best friend. I don’t want to be biased but her man is cheating on her. I moved to a community where my best friend’s boyfriend lives. I live right across from him in a Townhouse. He knows I live nearby. My best friend told him. I’ve even been to his place occasionally when they’ve thrown parties at his house. He is arrogant and not very smart to cheat on her knowing I live a few houses down from him. I don’t know if I should tell her. When she was trying to tell me about my husband I ignored her. I got really mad at her even though I knew the truth. I didn’t want to hear it. It hurt badly. It’s ineffable. I can’t even explain the pain. I would like to know if I should tell my best friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her. Should I not say anything and let her find out on her own? What should I do?
Iona:
This is a very hard question. I am speechless! You know that doesn’t happen often. Your husband was a low-down dirty dog. He had no shame…no conviction! I can hear him barking right now. His kind of behavior is totally disgusting. As much as I loathe men and women who are cheaters, I honestly do not know if I would tell my best friend her man is cheating on her if I was in your state. I also don’t believe you are healed from your own adultery. The situation is a bit different because you were married to your husband. Your friend is not. Men don’t see dating as closing their options. Women will give their all in a relationship even when there is no promise of marriage. We need to stop doing that! Even if a man is in a so-called committed relationship he is not married to the woman. This is how some men think. I need more time for this one.
Constance:
As a married woman who use to be single, I don’t see a difference. I think you should tell your friend. If my husband or boyfriend is cheating on me with multiple women I could very well contract a venereal disease. I understand some women will get upset because you really DO NOT know what you will do in those types of situations. I personally would want to know! I have thought about what I’d do if it happen to me many times. I also discussed it with my husband. I expressed to him that infidelity is something I am not willing to compromise on. I told him I can compromise and sacrifice on anything else but that! If he is willing to risk it all he will lose me. My friends and family understand I would want to know if they saw my husband cheating.
Kayla:
If you feel strongly convicted to tell your best friend, then I say warn her. You have to prepare yourself for the consequences, positive or negative if you open Pandora’s Box. I personally would forgive my husband the first time if he cheated. Studies have shown that in some marriages, infidelity helped to strengthen couples after adultery. It is possible to get pass the hurt and mistrust. If both parties are willing to save their marriage it can happen.
Iona:
In what world Kayla? I disagree 1000%. I know this topic is part of your professional expertise but you basically just told the world it was okay to cheat one time because women will forgive you. Just don’t do it twice. Naw, do not do it at all. It’s called self-control! Women have to know their worth!
Lady LJ:
I also disagree with you Kayla. I don’t think any women should accept a man cheating. It should never be allowed in my book. If we are in a committed monogamous relationship, no!
Kayla:
Well, Iona that is your prerogative to disagree. I said I would forgive MY HUSBAND! I am not telling the entire world that. Please don’t take what I say out of context. People are not perfect. Marriages are not perfect either. In a marriage, sometimes you might let your spouse down. The reality is we all need grace and mercy. I would forgive it one time and one time ONLY! I have no qualms about stating that. My husband knows how I feel. Also, there are women and men who do get pass infidelity and their marriages are better.
Valeria:
What is done in the dark will come to light every time. My abuela always said that. Wrong does not last for long. I personally would not tell my best friend her man/boyfriend is a liar and a cheater. I am also the type that would not want anyone telling me about my man. I believe I would feel differently if my friend was married because that is a covenant with God. I take that a bit more seriously. If it was me I would eventually find out. No one has to tell me. I would mind my own business. Your best friend will find out just like you did. You were not ready to receive the truth, but you knew it, Lady LJ.
Lady LJ:
You’re absolutely correct Valeria. The truth did hurt! I don’t want my friend going through that. I am not interested in dating right now. I am never getting married again. I don’t hate all men. I do believe there are good men out there. My husband gave me a few diseases that I thankfully was able to get rid of with medication. I am against cheating; getting cheated on or being the cheater.
Iona:
Why did you stay with him for 3 years after finding out he was cheating on you every time you went out of town. I am not trying to judge you. I need to know why! Do you think he was cheating on you before you got promoted? There is no way I will stay with a man that long if I have concrete evidence that he is cheating on me. No way! Why do women feel such obligation toward trying to keep something together that is falling apart? Incidentally, LJ it is not your fault. He has a problem. Try your best not to blame yourself. Oops, girl I almost said your real name.
Lady LJ:
I concede I was stupid and in love with my husband. I didn’t want to believe the truth just like Valeria said. I was married for 15 years prior to my second husband. I never thought I’d re-marry again but I found love. I still love my ex-husband but I am not in love with him. I felt like I did something wrong; like it was my fault for not being sweet enough, pretty enough and not worthy of his love. I thought I wasn’t good enough for him. Why did he cheat on me? This is the question that kept racing through my mind. My self-esteem was very love. I am reclaiming it daily. I was faithful, I was a great cook, I was understanding. I was submissive and independent. I was loyal to him. I was his helper in every way. I kept our house clean. I didn’t’ want to be by myself. I certainly didn’t want to go through another divorce. It has been five months since my divorce. I don’t want my best friend to ever go through this; no women! I’ve been in therapy and it is going to take time for me to completely heal. I guess I don’t have all the answers to your questions Iona. What I will say is I blame no one but myself. As women we have to empower each other. It’s okay to be alone if you have to be; if you chose to be!
Trisha:
We really need to get to our callers. I have people texting me on my cell asking me when we are going to open up our lines for callers to call in. Please remember our topic. What would you do if someone you know is being cheated on? Would you tell them? What would you do? My sister needs advice. Although my sister shared her background about cheating, this really is not about her. Her story is rather interesting. This is about her best friend. I personally would not mind my own business like Valeria would. I would tell my best friend and allow her the choice of what to do with the information.
Iona:
I think I would want to know whether married or single. I am still undecided as to whether I would tell my best friend or any of my friends if their girl or guy is cheating on them. I would let the cheater know I am aware of what they are doing by letting them see me and saying hello to them.
Constance:
I would also want to know. I have talked to family and friends about this topic. They understand that no matter how hard the information, I want to know. There are some friend who told me they would want to know. They had me promise to tell them. There are a few friends who told me they would not want to know. Audience what do you guys think? What would you do if you were in in Lady LJ’s shoes? What you tell your friend her man is a cheater?
Valeria:
This is definitely heavy stuff. Let’s talk to our callers to see who agrees or disagrees with telling your best friend or any friend their significant other is cheating on them. Do you mind your own business or would you say something?
Trisha starts off the Circle with a request from her sister who recently ended a long-term relationship due to her ex cheating on her. She spent 8 years of her life with her ex-husband. Trisha’s sister joined a support group to help her deal with her issues. She blamed herself for the failure of her second marriage. Trisha wants to know whether or not she should confide in her best friend about her boyfriend cheating on her.
Trisha:
Today we are going to discuss the subject of cheating. Yes, so get ready! My sister is responsible for the topic of today. Let me state, we are not trying to solve why people cheat. Please listen carefully and make your comments after you hear all of the information; especially YOU Iona.
Iona, Constance, Valeria and Kayla: (All nod with a head gesture of okay)
Trisha:
As you know, my sister does not want her name on the show. We will call her Lady LJ. Those are the initials of her name. Lady LJ is no stranger to the pain and sorrow of cheating. She can share her story with you better than I can. Welcome my sister, Lady LJ.
Lady LJ:
Hello to all the Sisters and to the audience listening. I was in a relationship for 8 years with a man I loved. He was my best friend. We shared lots of things in common together. We also had things we did not have in common. We balanced each other out perfectly. At least this is what I thought…
Iona: (Interrupts)
Girl, please don’t tell me he was on the down low and you caught him in the bed or shower with another dude?
Lady LJ:
Noooo, but Iona, you’re been very rude. Can I please speak my peace?
Iona:
Sorry! I’m just a firecracker ready to pop all over this subject!
Lady LJ: (Smiling)
Thank you! This is rather long so please be patient with me as I give you a little bit about my background and why I came on the show for help. As I was saying, we were perfect for each other. I got a promotion on my job a year after we were married. The new position required me to travel 3 days out of the week, monthly. I talked it over with my husband at the time. He was fine with it. It was only once a month. Sometimes I would be out of town on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Other times it would be early in the week. I knew something was off. Something had changed but I didn’t want to listen to that small voice that kept telling me to be careful. We were together for two years before we decided to move in together. We married after a year. We both have kids from previous marriages. His son was away at school and my two girls were just starting college; all grown and on their own. I started smelling different fragrances of perfume in our home. I would find lipsticks and hair pens that did not belong to me. I didn’t say anything to my husband about it. I was slowly deteriorating inside knowing he was cheating on me in our house each time I went out of town for work.
When I would call him he would tell me how much overtime he was working on his job. When I was home it seemed like he would pick fights with me purposely to get out of taking me out. We used to always enjoy each other’s company and go out. I was in disbelief because I loved him. I thought we were going to grow old together. He was so sloppy with his affairs. After 3 years of living a complete lie, I set him up with the help and support of my girlfriends. One of my friends was a professional photographer. I had one who worked at the airlines. Another one of my friends was my neighbor who became one of my very good friends. She saw everything!
One day I told my husband I was going to be out of town for 3 days. I did my usual routine. I told him my flight information; departure and arrival times with hotel stay. I gave him all of my numbers. I let him see me packing, just like normal. I didn’t go out of town. I stayed close by with the help of my three girlfriends. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. One Friday night I saw one girl go into our home. She stayed for about 8 hours. She came around 6pm and left in the wee hours of the morning. My girlfriend took pictures of the young lady as she entered and as she exited. The next time was on a Saturday. I saw another lady come over around the same time. This particular lady stayed the night and went home late in the morning the next day Sunday. This was his routine. I was schedule to be back home Sunday evening so I had my girlfriend drive me back to the airport so that my husband could pick me up. He picked me up and I tried my best to be normal. I was numb so I pulled it off. The following week I confronted him with all of my evidence. I think it was on a Tuesday. I left him. I filed for divorce and haven’t looked back since.
The issue is, the same thing is happening to one of my girlfriends who is my best friend. I don’t want to be biased but her man is cheating on her. I moved to a community where my best friend’s boyfriend lives. I live right across from him in a Townhouse. He knows I live nearby. My best friend told him. I’ve even been to his place occasionally when they’ve thrown parties at his house. He is arrogant and not very smart to cheat on her knowing I live a few houses down from him. I don’t know if I should tell her. When she was trying to tell me about my husband I ignored her. I got really mad at her even though I knew the truth. I didn’t want to hear it. It hurt badly. It’s ineffable. I can’t even explain the pain. I would like to know if I should tell my best friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her. Should I not say anything and let her find out on her own? What should I do?
Iona:
This is a very hard question. I am speechless! You know that doesn’t happen often. Your husband was a low-down dirty dog. He had no shame…no conviction! I can hear him barking right now. His kind of behavior is totally disgusting. As much as I loathe men and women who are cheaters, I honestly do not know if I would tell my best friend her man is cheating on her if I was in your state. I also don’t believe you are healed from your own adultery. The situation is a bit different because you were married to your husband. Your friend is not. Men don’t see dating as closing their options. Women will give their all in a relationship even when there is no promise of marriage. We need to stop doing that! Even if a man is in a so-called committed relationship he is not married to the woman. This is how some men think. I need more time for this one.
Constance:
As a married woman who use to be single, I don’t see a difference. I think you should tell your friend. If my husband or boyfriend is cheating on me with multiple women I could very well contract a venereal disease. I understand some women will get upset because you really DO NOT know what you will do in those types of situations. I personally would want to know! I have thought about what I’d do if it happen to me many times. I also discussed it with my husband. I expressed to him that infidelity is something I am not willing to compromise on. I told him I can compromise and sacrifice on anything else but that! If he is willing to risk it all he will lose me. My friends and family understand I would want to know if they saw my husband cheating.
Kayla:
If you feel strongly convicted to tell your best friend, then I say warn her. You have to prepare yourself for the consequences, positive or negative if you open Pandora’s Box. I personally would forgive my husband the first time if he cheated. Studies have shown that in some marriages, infidelity helped to strengthen couples after adultery. It is possible to get pass the hurt and mistrust. If both parties are willing to save their marriage it can happen.
Iona:
In what world Kayla? I disagree 1000%. I know this topic is part of your professional expertise but you basically just told the world it was okay to cheat one time because women will forgive you. Just don’t do it twice. Naw, do not do it at all. It’s called self-control! Women have to know their worth!
Lady LJ:
I also disagree with you Kayla. I don’t think any women should accept a man cheating. It should never be allowed in my book. If we are in a committed monogamous relationship, no!
Kayla:
Well, Iona that is your prerogative to disagree. I said I would forgive MY HUSBAND! I am not telling the entire world that. Please don’t take what I say out of context. People are not perfect. Marriages are not perfect either. In a marriage, sometimes you might let your spouse down. The reality is we all need grace and mercy. I would forgive it one time and one time ONLY! I have no qualms about stating that. My husband knows how I feel. Also, there are women and men who do get pass infidelity and their marriages are better.
Valeria:
What is done in the dark will come to light every time. My abuela always said that. Wrong does not last for long. I personally would not tell my best friend her man/boyfriend is a liar and a cheater. I am also the type that would not want anyone telling me about my man. I believe I would feel differently if my friend was married because that is a covenant with God. I take that a bit more seriously. If it was me I would eventually find out. No one has to tell me. I would mind my own business. Your best friend will find out just like you did. You were not ready to receive the truth, but you knew it, Lady LJ.
Lady LJ:
You’re absolutely correct Valeria. The truth did hurt! I don’t want my friend going through that. I am not interested in dating right now. I am never getting married again. I don’t hate all men. I do believe there are good men out there. My husband gave me a few diseases that I thankfully was able to get rid of with medication. I am against cheating; getting cheated on or being the cheater.
Iona:
Why did you stay with him for 3 years after finding out he was cheating on you every time you went out of town. I am not trying to judge you. I need to know why! Do you think he was cheating on you before you got promoted? There is no way I will stay with a man that long if I have concrete evidence that he is cheating on me. No way! Why do women feel such obligation toward trying to keep something together that is falling apart? Incidentally, LJ it is not your fault. He has a problem. Try your best not to blame yourself. Oops, girl I almost said your real name.
Lady LJ:
I concede I was stupid and in love with my husband. I didn’t want to believe the truth just like Valeria said. I was married for 15 years prior to my second husband. I never thought I’d re-marry again but I found love. I still love my ex-husband but I am not in love with him. I felt like I did something wrong; like it was my fault for not being sweet enough, pretty enough and not worthy of his love. I thought I wasn’t good enough for him. Why did he cheat on me? This is the question that kept racing through my mind. My self-esteem was very love. I am reclaiming it daily. I was faithful, I was a great cook, I was understanding. I was submissive and independent. I was loyal to him. I was his helper in every way. I kept our house clean. I didn’t’ want to be by myself. I certainly didn’t want to go through another divorce. It has been five months since my divorce. I don’t want my best friend to ever go through this; no women! I’ve been in therapy and it is going to take time for me to completely heal. I guess I don’t have all the answers to your questions Iona. What I will say is I blame no one but myself. As women we have to empower each other. It’s okay to be alone if you have to be; if you chose to be!
Trisha:
We really need to get to our callers. I have people texting me on my cell asking me when we are going to open up our lines for callers to call in. Please remember our topic. What would you do if someone you know is being cheated on? Would you tell them? What would you do? My sister needs advice. Although my sister shared her background about cheating, this really is not about her. Her story is rather interesting. This is about her best friend. I personally would not mind my own business like Valeria would. I would tell my best friend and allow her the choice of what to do with the information.
Iona:
I think I would want to know whether married or single. I am still undecided as to whether I would tell my best friend or any of my friends if their girl or guy is cheating on them. I would let the cheater know I am aware of what they are doing by letting them see me and saying hello to them.
Constance:
I would also want to know. I have talked to family and friends about this topic. They understand that no matter how hard the information, I want to know. There are some friend who told me they would want to know. They had me promise to tell them. There are a few friends who told me they would not want to know. Audience what do you guys think? What would you do if you were in in Lady LJ’s shoes? What you tell your friend her man is a cheater?
Valeria:
This is definitely heavy stuff. Let’s talk to our callers to see who agrees or disagrees with telling your best friend or any friend their significant other is cheating on them. Do you mind your own business or would you say something?
