Fiction
I just can’t believe she is gone. Life is a long shadow of shortness. My 22-year-old daughter passed away in November of 2022. My wife is handling it better than me. I love and appreciate my better half. When I say better, I mean like, she is the best wife and friend. I stay in love with how she has helped me raise our kids. Women are some of the strongest creations that God made. My wife has righteousness in the back of her spine and peace spreading through her thighs up into her mind. I truly don’t know what I would do without her. We had 3 boys and only one girl. Yaneli was the second love of my life. She was in college. She only had one more year left…one more! Yaneli was strong, wise, a daddy’s girl and she loved life. She wasn’t only adorable, smart and beautiful. She was kind. She had a relationship with God. She was a leader. Every summer she tutored all the kids in our family who needed her help. She was a singer. She loved to dance. She played the drums. I can go on and on about my baby. She was my baby. Yaneli was always there for everybody. I miss her so much and my heart is broken. She was planning to start her own business then go to law school for business law. Yaneli was coming home for Thanksgiving break and some crazy sick person with mental issues shot up their school. Yaneli was trying to leave or run, and she got caught in the crossfire. This has turned into an uncomfortable situation.
My wife and I have several friends and family members who also had children attending the same University as Yaneli. My sister’s son and my best friend’s daughter were also at that school. My wife’s cousin and two of her best friends had kids there as well. We kind of planned it that way so they could all be close together. All of their kids came home. Not my Yaneli. I feel some kind of way about that. I am in counseling now with my wife. It’s so hard! Why couldn’t it have been their kids and not mine? All of our kids would ride back home together for their holiday breaks but not this time. My baby is gone. I just didn’t picture all of this happening so unexpectedly. I also didn't understand why our family and friends kept saying "Merry Christmas" and "Happy New Years" to me. There was certainly NOTHING happy about it! They were all so irritating. I was caught up in the spirit of being annoyed by them. I am sure they were just not thinking. I tend to ignore text messages when they send me the “how are you doing” messages on my phone. It irks me so bad, so I ignore it! Of course, my wife encouraged me about things getting better with time. All I know is that my life is forever distant with a void. It won’t be the same without my beloved Yaneli. I learned that there are 5 stages of grieving. I am still somewhere in that process. I never even knew about the 5 stages.
At Yaneli’s funeral I didn’t want to view the body. I just wanted to remember her the way I last saw her. My wife didn’t make a big deal about it. Can you believe that I had family members who didn’t understand my way of grieving, but I didn’t care. They wouldn’t even allow me to grieve the way I wanted to grieve without attacking me with their misunderstandings. Everyone grieves differently. Too bad they were not sensitive enough to understand that. It wasn’t like it was their kid. They still have their children. It was my child. They can still enjoy their kids. This is so uncomfortable!
I feel so uncomfortable seeing my best friend daughter and my sister’s son come back alive and not my Yaneli. Why couldn’t it have been their kids or my wife’s friends' kids? I know I should not feel this way, but I really do! Maybe God knew my wife and I could sustain this kind of loss. Maybe our other family members and friends couldn’t. I don’t know but I wish Yaneli could still be here. I feel so uncomfortable being around them and seeing them with their daughters! Every time I see them it reminds me of my Yaneli not being with me. The entire ordeal gets on my nerves! The best thing to do for people is to pray for them. Give them their time and space!
My wife and I have several friends and family members who also had children attending the same University as Yaneli. My sister’s son and my best friend’s daughter were also at that school. My wife’s cousin and two of her best friends had kids there as well. We kind of planned it that way so they could all be close together. All of their kids came home. Not my Yaneli. I feel some kind of way about that. I am in counseling now with my wife. It’s so hard! Why couldn’t it have been their kids and not mine? All of our kids would ride back home together for their holiday breaks but not this time. My baby is gone. I just didn’t picture all of this happening so unexpectedly. I also didn't understand why our family and friends kept saying "Merry Christmas" and "Happy New Years" to me. There was certainly NOTHING happy about it! They were all so irritating. I was caught up in the spirit of being annoyed by them. I am sure they were just not thinking. I tend to ignore text messages when they send me the “how are you doing” messages on my phone. It irks me so bad, so I ignore it! Of course, my wife encouraged me about things getting better with time. All I know is that my life is forever distant with a void. It won’t be the same without my beloved Yaneli. I learned that there are 5 stages of grieving. I am still somewhere in that process. I never even knew about the 5 stages.
At Yaneli’s funeral I didn’t want to view the body. I just wanted to remember her the way I last saw her. My wife didn’t make a big deal about it. Can you believe that I had family members who didn’t understand my way of grieving, but I didn’t care. They wouldn’t even allow me to grieve the way I wanted to grieve without attacking me with their misunderstandings. Everyone grieves differently. Too bad they were not sensitive enough to understand that. It wasn’t like it was their kid. They still have their children. It was my child. They can still enjoy their kids. This is so uncomfortable!
I feel so uncomfortable seeing my best friend daughter and my sister’s son come back alive and not my Yaneli. Why couldn’t it have been their kids or my wife’s friends' kids? I know I should not feel this way, but I really do! Maybe God knew my wife and I could sustain this kind of loss. Maybe our other family members and friends couldn’t. I don’t know but I wish Yaneli could still be here. I feel so uncomfortable being around them and seeing them with their daughters! Every time I see them it reminds me of my Yaneli not being with me. The entire ordeal gets on my nerves! The best thing to do for people is to pray for them. Give them their time and space!
